i just had sex bonerless
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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