ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
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I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
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Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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