I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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