I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
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