So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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