she was so not down for the gang bang
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
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He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
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Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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