how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Fuck appropriateness.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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