about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
How does it feel to date your dad?
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