Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
