I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
