Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
