before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
