this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
