thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
