I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
