her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
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I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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