Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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