i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
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