you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
