when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
