My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
