I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
