I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
