im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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