Swine flu. Run for my life!
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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