He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
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It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
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for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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