didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Randomize
