Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
