He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
