Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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