On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
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He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
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If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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