I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
