i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
