In the future we'll all be gay
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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