i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
