he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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