uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
