I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
sarcasm needs its own font
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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