After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I intend to get homeless drunk
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.