What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs