I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
