Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?