I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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