so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.