My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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