So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
