If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
