I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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