why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
