I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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