I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize