He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
