once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
ok first of all what the fuck
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
