No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
