I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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