Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
