I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
