Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
