He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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