Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
