New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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