Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
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