I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Randomize