i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
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