You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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