Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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