Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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