If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
