imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I DEMAND FORESKIN
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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