we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
