idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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