Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
