Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
