Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
