giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
