Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
