Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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